Thursday, November 24, 2011

It's almost funny how so many things remind me of you, and now even more will.
I finished doing the dishes and now my fingers are all pruny, even that reminds me of you.

I realize that I get overbearing sometimes, but I just can't help it.
I care so much about you and think so much about you, I don't want to let you go.
And people have left so abruptly before that my mind tricks me into nervousness when I know everything is fine.
I don't get it.

But I'm getting better at deflecting those thoughts and just realizing how truly content and genuinely happy I am.
I don't think I'd be here today if it weren't for you. And now having grown so much closer to your daughter has only pushed me further into who I've always wanted to be.
A wealthy man.
Not wealthy by monetary standards; but by happiness, intelligence, contentment, strength, care, love and brilliance.
I guess when someone so magnificent walks into your life, that you look so far up to, it's hard not to grow. Not to better yourself.
I still have many things to improve. My motivation grows every day though.
Problems regarding money, distance, clinginess, and time will all disappear. Which, is fine by me.
I know I can overcome my bad habits to make this work, I've never had something I've wanted to work so hard for.
I'm jumping on getting a job and finishing my school, just like I planned.
I mean, it's for myself, but you both are becoming a large part of me.
I know that between us we can be successful and strong, I know that we can do anything.
We actually deserve each other.
How I got so lucky, I have no clue, but I'm thankful for every second you are in my life. Even just for you to be in my constant thoughts, I am grateful.
You just leave me feeling very full at basically every moment of the day.
I guess that's why I get clingy. I don't want that to stop, and it's hard for me to not express that I think so much of you and think of you so much. I just get excited to have someone so special to me.

I'm working on this, though.
I'm going to try to limit the random texts (I've already been trying to make my texts stop going over one page, it's always been a problem), realize that you need space when you're irritated in person (now I know so I can actually give you the space), as well as give you the necessary room needed when we're not in person. Stop trying to weasel into phone calls. It's so hard to not ask about your day and tell you how much I've missed you and am wanting to see you and feel your bones.
I suppose it's mostly trail and error, I'm just working on correcting the errors.

I'm even trying to improve my health. Work on my hygiene. Get my teeth clean and get my body healthy.

I'm using actions instead of words to show you how serious I am about you and making things work with you. I'm crazy about you, honestly and obviously.

I've been trying to not talk too much about your daughter and our time spent together to my friends, I've already reached my annoyance limit, I can tell. There's just so much I have to say about my past trip.

I don't think I've ever had a better vacation. Not my trip to New Orleans, not any of my trips to California, not even touring up into Idaho and Montana. It's was simply better.
And I know the trips will only get better. I can't wait until they're not longer trips.

I've also been trying to work on saying the work 'just' less. I don't understand why I even use it so much.

I'm going to work really hard at getting a job sooner, a big reason is that Christmas is coming up. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be giving you gifts well up until Valentine's day, I'm sure. Whether they're for Christmas still or not, I'll let you decide. I just like getting you surprises. It's not that money buys happiness or will keep you with me, I just like doing those little things. Whether I spend money or not.
I've decided the next thing I get for you will be the big one. I want to give you something you can really use, and I think this will be practical. And I know you want to workout and get healthier more, so I think this could also help with that!
I don't know what else I'll get you, I have a bunch of little ideas. Most will probably have to be executed in person, but I'll make it happen.

I'm trying incredibly hard to move our lives in the direction we deserve to be moving in. Not that I'm trying to control your life, we've both made what we want clear, and I'm going to see this until the end.

I won't take this for granted. I won't take you for granted, I won't take her for granted, I won't take us for granted, I won't take this family and this life for granted.
I appreciate you, more than you probably could imagine.

I never knew I could feel a love like this, it's brilliant. You're a magnificent woman, and I'm lucky to be by your side. I hope I never have to leave it.

I'm thankful. That's as simple as it is.


No comments:

Post a Comment